Sometimes we don’t realize our own fears until we are faced with them. A co-worker screams suddenly and intensely every time she spots a spider; this is her arachnophobia: a phobia that many people besides her have, but a phobia that can be overcome through more exposure to spiders and that can be the case for many of our fears.

As a child and into my early adulthood I was afraid of my own image in the mirror which is something they call Eisoptrophobia; something I never heard of but after realizing what exactly it was I understood my own fear. Time has healed me, seeing myself and loving myself more has healed me although there are still times I don’t like seeing images of myself. And I’ve heard of fear of heights, animals, the outdoors but I never thought or realized there were people with a fear of me.
Homophobia: The fear of homosexuality or fear of being homosexual.

Where do I begin here but to say I use to have the fear of being gay myself.

When I started to realize the possibility, I decided I wanted to hide it or hoped it was just a phrase. Overtime I realized I was hiding who I was out of fear of society’s view on me. Not sure what they would call that kind of phobia. But I and so many others suffered from it.

In fact I know many who still do.

Homophobia is indeed a fear but it is more defined as hatred… or is it cowardice?

To an extent I can understand how hard it can be to accept difference, especially when there is a lack of knowledge or exposure to that difference. Isn’t that where we get many of these phobias? Times are getting better though as people are becoming more open minded and accepting but of course the more things change the more things stay the same. Homophobia isn’t cool these days so I find that it’s hidden as is racism or any other prejudice out there. But there is still small mindedness rampant out there.

Some people have a fear of thinking…(for themselves) called phronemophobia and a fear of knowledge called gnogiophobia. Yes, there’s a name for all kinds of fear. And I actually think homophobia contains both of those fears. An openness to think and openness to knowledge when it comes to those we see as different. And when there are differences even within that subgroup we really have to open ourselves up to understanding or attempting to.

Homophobia is something that pisses me off more than hurts me as an individual because if your content with yourself then there is no need to try to make someone else feel small or “Queer” for not being like you. And I’m going to say this as I know some are homophobic when it comes to these journal entries (this one in particular).

There is no worst phobia out there than the fear of yourself.

Think about that.

I’m not going to sit here and expose my wishes to be straight because if I had those wishes I wouldn’t be happy with the man I am today. But I do wonder what if I was what society wanted me to me? I would have a wife and kids, maybe be homophobic towards someone like me. Maybe I would be against gay marriage and have the same attitudes towards homosexuality defined by the bible. Would I still have this heart? Would the same passion be behind my writing? Would I even smile or love the same? I guess we will never know that because being straight is not who I am. Being simply me is who I am.

Society still has me trippin because people who don’t know a damn about me are giving a damn about what I do behind closed doors or who my heart can’t help but love. “It’s wrong” they say, but they are who cheat, do drugs, lie, steal and commit other sins defined by that same book that to them justifies their right to disapprove of someone who is making a difference and just living the life every individual has the right to live. You know what? Straight does define me in the way that I give it to you straight and how I’m straight to the point and that I’m straight up happy with who I have grown into. But for those who want my direction to go straight, I say…

I’d rather go gayley forward!

Hall used the killing of Matthew Shepard and the suicide Tyler Clementi to support his message to you that “shaming people for whom they love is a sin.” He also stated in his Sunday sermon the church’s role in calling out homophobia and heterosexism as a sin.  READ MORE